Social Networking for Dummies

Let me start out by saying I am no expert when it comes to the art of Social Networking. Some people are going on dates weekly with those they meet from their facebook page or blog. They are making money off of clever schemes through acquiring a multitude of “friends.” I am not one of those guys. I am however, an expert on knowing when something annoys me and that happens almost daily when I log on to Twitter, FB or blogspot. I know this is just my 2 cent opinion (that’s about how much its worth) but here is my list of Don’ts. Agree or disagree, I don’t really care.

1. 1. “Why did he/she have to leave me?” I get it. It sucks to get dumped. It feels like your world is crashing down and that you will never love again. We have all been there so what makes you feel like your break up was such a big deal that EVERYONE needed to hear about it? I have broken up with girls since joining “the book” and I have never once felt like it was important enough to fill up someone else’s news feed. I can only think of two reasons why anyone would post something like this. 1. They feel as if this is a last ditch attempt to get him/her back. 2. They want attention. If your reasoning falls under the 1^st category then I am going to let you down easy. It won’t work. If you took a survey of couples that have broken up and gotten back together and ask what the determining factor of their reunion was, 0% would say it was due to wall posts on Facebook. If you happen to associate your reasoning with the second option I can’t help you. I don’t relate to people who seek negative attention. I can say however, that is probably a contributing factor as to why you were dumped in the first place (sorry bout it).

2. 2. “Look at me!” You work out. Good for you! I am all for being in shape, I enjoy working out and I try to keep myself looking descent. I appreciate a girl who has a nice figure and I am sure the ladies love a six-pack but why does this mean all of your pictures have to be of you shirtless or in a Bikini? I think that if 30%of your pics or less are of you out on the lake or in a hot tub and you happen to be showing a little skin then fine but if you are over the 50% mark or have an entire album dedicated to you in a swimsuit you are wondering into tool bag territory. Also, you have to realize that at least one or two of your so-called fb “friends” is a fake(you know it’s true), and when I say fake, I mean some 67 year-old sex offender from middle-of no-where Nebraska who’s idea of a fun Tuesday night is looking at pics of you as he parades around cyberspace posing as some Abercrombie model look alike. I don’t know about you but I want to inhibit his ability of picturing or knowing anything about me.

3. 3. “Don’t I have the Cutest Nieces and Nephews?!” I honestly believe that my Nephews and little niece are the cutest kids on earth. I love them and truly believe they could all be in advertisements for GAP Kids. I realized a while back that everyone feels this way about their family so I came up with a new rule. If they aren’t your kids, don’t show them off to the world via the internet. No one cares.

4. 4. “You know what I’m talking about.” You are sharing inside jokes on Facebook where everyone can see it? Really? Unless you are in on the joke no one else thinks it is funny. It is never funny. Going to dinner with people who have inside jokes may be the most annoying thing in the world. What makes you think it is any better to do it online? Let’s reserve those comments for a private text message or your bff sleepover on Friday night.

5. 5. “Location Location Location!” I have a lot of acquaintances who are real estate agents to whom this does not apply but from now on, if I receive a friend request from someone who is trying to sell me a house I am automatically declining. I am not interested in buying a condo in Springville even if it is on a short-sale and has an amazing view.

6. 6. “I am at the store.” I actually kind of like the location app if I am somewhere cool, say a concert or a vacation but what makes you think I needed to know that you were going grocery shopping at Harmon’s in Ft. Union? Come to think of it, let’s take out all meaningless posts. “Bout to hit the gym.” Thanks, for that poignant comment. I’m over surveys too. “Okay ladies, thinking about a new hair color, blonde or brunette?” If they accomplished anything it would tolerable but let’s face it, you don’t want anyone’s opinion. You just want this response, “girl, you look good no matter what!” Its tired to everyone.

My intent in posting this was not to belittle. To tell the truth, I am guilty of a couple of these items. I am not saying this is the way everyone feels either. All I am saying is… You were warned.

Gossip Girl

My DVR recordings are typical of any red-blooded American male. You can always find the newest episodes of Man vs. Wild, The Office, 30 Rock, Mad Men and of course the latest Sports Center. I proudly keep these shows on tap year round. There is one show that like the others, gets recorded every week, but unlike the programs listed above, gets deleted the second it is seen. This dirty little secret is Gossip Girl.

Why do I love watching it so much? This is a question I ask myself every Monday. The name itself denotes something I avoid at all costs. I would rather twist my nipples till they were purple then listen to some gossipy girl rant about how her supposed best friend slutted it up with guys X, Y and Z. It’s not like I am some lover of melodramatic shows either. Grays Anatomy? One Tree Hill? I couldn’t care less about some over sexed hospital where it seems like all their patients die (If they stopped spending their time whoring around maybe they could focus in and save a few peeps), or how two same-age non-twin brothers can’t get over their daddy issues. I honestly don’t know why I love GG so much but here are a few theories.

1. Blake Lively. I realize this doesn’t make any sense. She is obviously super hot but that isn’t a reason for watching the show. If it were then I would have One Tree Hill on repeat because of this girl. It’s not that she is a good actress either. Her Boston accent in The Town was so bad it seemed like it was out of a Saved by the Bell episode (future blog topic). All I know is that there is something about Serena Van Der Woodsen that keeps me coming back for more.

2. Chuck Bass. This one is super obvious, Chuck Bass is awesome. I don’t know of any guy who watches GG (yes there are more guys then just me who tune in) that doesn’t think he is a complete Bad A**. In fact there are only one three movie characters’ cooler than him (here, here and here) and only two guys (here and here) in real life that are anywhere close. Don Draper is next in line as far as TV goes but after him it is a distant 3rd.

3. The Plot. It easy to follow and completely unbelievable which makes it a fun watch. There has never been a character that has been introduced (aside from the original cast) that doesn’t have some crazy, outlandish secret (they are also usually way hot, check out the latest, Charlie). Also, each character is a nut-job which is reflected in their behavior: Serena wants to find her dad so she thinks the best way to find him is acting crazy in front of the media? Chuck Bass, who is the equivalent of Donald Trump’s son, has amnesia and no one recognizes him? Come on! That is about as realistic as Elijah Wood saving Middle Earth or Forrest Gump being awarded the Medal of Honor. For some reason I love the falsified drama and absorbent money they throw around.

All in all these theories don’t really hold up. I get that. There is no reason why I should like this show over any other CW dribble but I do. Whether it be Blair’s selfish plans, or Dan’s unfailing moral compass they have me hooked. You best believe I will be on my couch next Monday wishing and hoping that somehow I can become a part of the Upper East Side.

Coach Lloyd?

You cant tell me that the Silver Fox is not the exact twin of Mike Martz.

Free Speech

I am all for Freedom of Speech but I dont think that Douche Bags should have any rights at all.

I mean do you really want this Silk Master to be able to speak his mind?

Your Thoughts.

Jerry Kerry

Love this comparison.

If only Jeremy were a ricker that could pitch.

Where Boners go to Die

Enough Said

(Zach Bradley heard this from the Daily Show)

Another Prom Pic

I love everything about this picture.

If you want to find more Ghetto Prom Pics, they can be found herehttp://fun-brainiac.com/index.php/Cool/Ghetto-Prom.html

High School Hotties

I thought I would take this opportunity to show you a picture of some of the hotties that I went to High School with. They were a little underground but we still oved them.

Isayid

This one was way too easy but I had to publish it for no other reason than the fact that Burns absolutely hates this comparison.

Look-A-Likes

I am starting a new segmant called look-a-likes. Take some people we know and come up with their own stunt-double.

Our 1st example is Chris Sargent.

We all love the Wolf boy. He is cute, cuddly and tells the best stories of anyone I have ever met. One thing that very few people know about Chris is that he is also the Bassist and most famous member of a stupid/barely relevant rock band.

Check it out.

Top 5 Reaons We Love Tay Tay

As many of you know, Tay left on his mission last week. So, in honor of him, I am going to take a few moments and dedicate a post to our boy. So here they are, the top 5 reasons why we love the little guy





5. Puppies

Taylor loves puppies and that is one of the reasons that we love him. If there were ever a time where someone would ask, "hey, where is Taylor?" The answer was sure to come back, "oh, he went to the pet store to play with all the puppies." He beter not pet all those puppies in Fiji because that is a sure-fire way to get an STD....What?



4. Kitties


For as much as Taylor loves puppies, he hates kitties.




3. Phil Collins


Ever since Tay was a young buck, he just loved Phil Collins. When he was little, Taylor would listed to Serious Hits at least 2 hours a day. You could ask him right now what single song changed his life more than any other and he would say In the Air of the Night every time. When Tarzan came out we saw the movie 4 times in the opening week (part of the reason was because of Rosie O'Donnell's voice over work, she is just so talented)


2. The Lottery





This one is kind of obvious but I thought I would post it anyway. Taylor loves the lottery. How many of us have gone on that monthly drive up to Idaho just so that he could buy his lottery ticket. Taylor once said that one of his main reasons for wanting to go into politics was so that he could legalize gambling in Utah.





Side-note, Ed Mcmahon is awesome and talented...and awesome.





1. His Heart

In all seriousness Taylor has the biggest heart of anyone I know. If you have ever had the chance to meet him, you know what I am talking about. The kid is loved by everyone and will be truly missed for the next couple of years.

Bill Simmons

It has taken me many years to perfect, a lot of ups and downs as well as countless time-wasting hours, but I feel that I have finally become the Kelly Slater of internet surfing (Kelly slater was the obvious choice because we have so much in common, ie great athletes, way good looking and we pull wicked hot tail!). My morning browse typically goes the same way: I check my email and see if there is any thing of importance or interest that has been relayed, I then glance at the sports section of the local paper via the internet. I then glance at my favorite pointless web sites (there is something about another person making fun of celebrities that I find soothing and entertaining). The last sight I check is always ESPN.com and that is to see if there is a new Bill Simmons article. When there is, it is like Christmas.

Too any of you that have not had the pleasure of reading Simmons' (ie the sports guy) stuff, I highly recommend it. I truly believe that he has changed my life. His top three best articles of all time are as follows (I will post the link so that you can read them on your own time):

1. The World Cup. Trust me, its awesome.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/060705

2. 2007, NBA All-Star game in Vegas. His idea's on how to make the game watcheable, amazing.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/070220

3. Go-Karts. His hatred for Tony Potts from extra is brilliant.

http://proxy.espn.go.com/espn/page2/blog/index?name=simmons&entryDate=20070209

Please do yourself a favor and read Bill's article from now on. I promise it will be the best 20 minutes of surfing you will have all week.

Here I Go

I have never had a personal blog, nor have I ever considered it until a recent nudge from JT pushed me over the cliff.

My main reason for wanting to do this was so that I could have a venue where I might share thoughts, ideas, stories and questions about the daily happenings of my way exciting life to the four or five people who may ever find themselves actually reading this. If you happen to be one of the few who is priveleged enough to partake in the trent's life blog, please feel free to comment, critique or bash anything I have to say.